Epi #87. How Not to Yell When You've Tried Everything and Nothing WorksNov 21, 2023
How Not to Yell When You've Tried Everything and Nothing Works
We’ve encountered countless parents who resonate with a particular frustration: "I've tried every gentle parenting technique, read every blog and book, but I still find myself yelling at my kids.
Why isn't anything working?"
Today, let's demystify some myths and uncover the real keys to transforming your parenting approach.
Myth 1: You've Tried Everything
The Real Deal:
Thinking you've tried everything is a common feeling.
I've been there too, believing that the abundance of cookie-cutter advice would be my salvation. However, the turning point was embracing Parenting With Understanding™️.
This approach meant becoming an expert not on generic parenting strategies, but on my own children - understanding their needs, feelings, developmental stages, and personalities.
When you shift from applying one-size-fits-all solutions to understanding your unique child, you start to see real change.
Myth 2: Children Make Us Yell
The Truth Behind Our Reactions:
It's easy to think that our children's actions trigger our yelling.
However, in truth, no one can make us yell.
Our children are not in control of our bodies or our impulses.
Yelling often stems from our lack of emotional skills to process frustration healthily.
In our work at HIC Parenting, we focus on helping parents rewire their responses to anger and frustration, enabling them to experience these emotions safely without projecting them onto their children.
Myth 3: Nothing Works for My Child
Understanding Over Solutions:
When it feels like nothing works, it's often because we're throwing solutions at the problem without understanding it.
Children's behaviors are communications of unmet needs or overwhelming feelings.
Dropping our agenda temporarily to focus on understanding and addressing these underlying issues can save us from many power struggles and naturally lead to more cooperation from our children.
Myth 4: Children’s Behavior Dictates Parenting Success
A Shift in Perspective:
A common misconception is that our children's behavior is the barometer of successful parenting.
Children, by their very nature, are immature and will act accordingly.
The real indicator of effective parenting is our behavior as parents.
Success is measured by our ability to manage our reactions and guide our children with assertive compassion, even in the face of challenges.
Finding What Really Works
Understanding Your Child:
The key is not to find a magic solution but to understand your child deeply.
What are they trying to communicate through their behaviors?
Are there unmet needs or feelings that need addressing?
This understanding will guide your responses and strategies.
Developing Emotional Skills
Work on developing your emotional skills. This isn't just about managing anger but about understanding and processing your emotions in a way that doesn't overflow onto your children.
Consistency and Patience
Change won't happen overnight.
Consistency in your new approach and patience with both yourself and your child are crucial.
Sometimes, an outside perspective can make all the difference.
Consider reaching out for professional help or joining a parenting group for support.
Tune into The Parenting With Understanding™️ Podcast
For more insights and real-life examples, don't forget to listen to this week's episode of The Parenting With Understanding Podcast.
We delve into these myths and explore practical strategies to transform your parenting experience.
Need Personalized Help?
If you're seeking tailored support, schedule a free Parenting Assessment call with Marcela or a HIC Parenting advisor.
CLICK HERE to book your call
On this call, you will:
- Uncover the Root of Your Parenting Struggles
- Receive a Customized Roadmap: Get a tailored strategy for bringing more peace to your home and nurturing emotionally healthy children.
- Explore Parenting Coaching Services: Decide if our coaching services fit your family's needs.