Epi #32. 10 TikTok Questions in 20 Minutes

cyclebreakers epi32 gentle parenting marcela collier parenting-with-understanding podcast rachael rogers shownotes spotlight Nov 01, 2022
HIC Parenting Education
Epi #32. 10 TikTok Questions in 20 Minutes
21:03
 

10 TikTok Questions in 20 Minutes

Happy November, Cycle Breakers! We’re kicking the month off with something fun! We went live on TikTok last week & challenged ourselves to answer 20 of your questions within 20 minutes. In today’s episode, we’ve included 10 of them.

1. Ashley: How do you deal with a 19-month old who hits, but is speech-delayed?

Toddlers experience a lot of frustration because they don’t have a large vocabulary and can’t fully express themselves verbally, so they’ll use their bodies to communicate their needs and feelings, instead. I encourage you to take a deep breath to anchor yourself. Remind yourself that your child is communicating a need they best they know how. Then, co-regulate to help them calm down. Once they’re calm, you can try to decipher what they need from you.

2. Lex_Kelly: Tips on how to help feeling burnt out and still being a gentle parent?

Sadly, burn-out is something most parents experience at one point or another, especially when there are other life stressors involved: going to work, paying bills, etc. We’d all be able to succeed at gentle parenting if it weren’t for so many other life stressors adding more weight to our lives! 

My first tip is to take care of yourself first, even before your children. You can’t serve them well if you’re not healthy. Then, give yourself tons of grace in the process of learning how to be a gentle parent, while also breaking generational patterns. You’re healing and re-parenting yourself, which is hard and exhausting, so please cut yourself some slack. 

Finally, focus on the need behind the behavior. Many times we end up feeling burnt out because we tend to get so caught up on behavior and tire ourselves out. Instead, remember that all behavior is the communication of a need and think about how you can help them fulfill it.

3. Melina: I moved to a new state and my 2.5 year old is having a very tough time adjusting. How can I help her?

It’s highly possible that your toddler is grieving her old house, environment, friends, etc. The grieving process takes a while. Allow her the time she needs to grieve. Something that could help her through it is to do things that remind her of the things she misses from back home. Maybe find a YouTube video showing your old town or draw some pictures of it together. I encourage you to keep patient and allow her to grieve through story-telling and play.

4. Crystal: Do you have any tips on getting your kids to do homework without a struggle?

Try to look at it from a child’s perspective. One of their basic needs is the need to feel competent and capable. Homework is one of the most challenging things in their young lives.

Plus, they’re busy at school for 6 hours every weekday. It’s like if you were at work for 8 hours and before you clock out, your boss gives you even more work to complete at home. It would feel very overwhelming, stressful, and frustrating for us — imagine a child!

I recommend that you try to find a way to make it fun or enjoyable. Think like a child and ask yourself what it is that they need to make their homework assignments more pleasant: a snack while they work, regular breaks, etc.

5. SavageKxo: My son is 6 years old and is giving a lot of attitude. How can I redirect him to be respectful?

What does “attitude” mean to you? It’s subjective. What might feel like “attitude” to you, might seem like assertively voicing needs and wants to someone else. Consider if your feelings about their “attitude” come from your own childhood wounds. When we weren’t allowed to speak up to our parents as kids, it can often feel like “back talk” when our kids exercise their right to express their opinions to us. Whenever this happens and you feel disrespected, take a few deep breaths to anchor yourself. Then, once you feel capable of approaching your child respectfully, express how you expect to be spoken to.

6. Leena22: I want to be fun for my 19 month old son, but I have had concussion symptoms for over a year. Suggestions?

Chronic health issues are common for parents, especially with many life stressors. Again, please show yourself lots of grace. None of us are perfect parents. Just take baby steps, doing as much as your body will allow. Remember, progress over perfection. 

7. Dery: How do I discipline my 2 year old when he does something bad?

“Discipline” means to teach skills. At his age, he doesn’t even realize he’s a person yet! And, he definitely doesn’t know he’s doing anything wrong. In fact, he’s very curious and still learning all about the world around him. It’s absolutely normal and expected of him to do all sorts of things. All kids want to do good. Simply redirect to the right action. For example, if he’s jumping on the couch, redirect to where it’s safe and okay for him to jump. If he’s getting into things he shouldn’t, keep them out of his reach. Allow him to explore his surroundings safely. 

8. Samantha: I’m 22 and pregnant. My grandparents refuse to respect my boundaries of not kissing the baby. Any tips? 

This is a tough one, but we have to start getting comfortable with being bold and assertive, especially with family and friends. However, I realize that if we weren’t allowed to do so when we were growing up and got punished for it, it can definitely feel scary. Ask yourself: “Is it more important for me to keep my grandparents happy or to protect my child?”

Also, by upholding boundaries with your grandparents, you’re modeling that for your child. They get to see what that looks like and how to respectfully stand up for themselves, even when they feel nervous. You can simply tell your grandparents, “I love that you love the baby so much and want to kiss them, but we’re not doing kisses outside of mommy and daddy right now.”

Most importantly, your grandparents' feelings aren’t your responsibility. Just because they feel offended, doesn’t mean you’re wrong for placing boundaries or that your boundary is unreasonable.

9. Yamira: How can I tell my 17 month old to use her words when she doesn’t want something?

A 17 month old doesn’t have many words, much less understanding of what she needs. You’ll need to repeatedly ask her what she’d like. Maybe use the sign for eat, drink, water, milk, etc. This repetition, of using simple words, will help build her vocabulary and she’ll be able to signal back to you with what she wants or needs.

10. Naner11: I don’t know how to regulate my anger in front of my children or how to respond in a calm way. 

You most likely grew up with reactive parents/caregivers. I (Rachael) can relate to this so much because I did, too. I have many resources on my website that help with this. You can visit my socials (@theconsideratemomma) to find them.

Years ago, I adopted the mantra: “Freeze. Breathe. Meet the need.” First, pause and take several deep breaths. It’ll help calm your nervous system. Then, remind yourself that their behaviors are communicating needs. Ask yourself: “How can I meet the need?” and problem-solve.

Remember, there’s no such thing as a perfect parent. As long as you’re doing your best, even if you fail some days, you’re still a good parent.*

During our TikTok live, there were several people who were new to gentle parenting and weren’t sure where to start. Our FREE, Cycle Breaker Starter Kit, is the perfect starting point for those of you who are newer to this parenting style. Feel free to get yours by simply clicking the link below

The Cycle Breaker Starter Kit

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Remember, if you’re an HIC customer, you’re welcome to join our private Facebook group, HIC Cycle Breakers. We’d love for you to stop by and introduce yourselves to the group. Click below:

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Enjoy the show?