Epi #112. Parenting Styles: Understanding the Three Types of Parents and How to Transition to a Healthier Approach
May 14, 2024
Parenting Styles: Understanding the Three Types of Parents and How to Transition to a Healthier Approach
Welcome back to the Parenting with Understanding podcast! Today, we're diving into the three kinds of parenting styles, as outlined by research. As you read, you may find yourself identifying with one or more of these types, but remember, you are not bound to one style. This framework provides a structure to help you gain awareness of your parenting approach and guide you towards becoming a secure parent.
- The Power Over Parent
The Power Over Parent, often known as the authoritarian parent, prioritizes control and uses fear tactics in raising children. This approach often includes punishment and dominance, believing it will instill discipline.
- Characteristics: They believe they need control to empower themselves and shape their children’s behavior.
Often heard saying things like, “If you don't do this, then…” or “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
- Background: Many Power Over Parents grew up in environments where they felt powerless, reinforcing the belief that authority only exists when they have control.
- Challenges: This dynamic creates a cycle of guilt and shame for both the parent and child. The parent often struggles to maintain control while the child feels suppressed.
Breaking Free from Power Over Parenting:
The good news is that change is possible. By adopting new patterns consistently and with intention, parents can rewire their approach to discipline and collaboration with their children.
It's about showing them a consistent new pattern, and having a community or coach can be instrumental in making these changes.
If you are in that transition period from a traditional way to parent to a more respectful way, but you struggle to correct your child’s behaviors without using fear tactics, I have the perfect solution for you.
Over 1,000 parents have taken “The U.S.E Method to Correct Any Behavior With Ease” Online Workshop and they are now:
- Getting children listening a lot faster without yelling or threatening
- Feeling confident in their parenting skills
- Correcting their children’s behaviors the long term.
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- The Power Under Parent
A Power Under Parent is gentle, understanding, and validating, but they often lack assertiveness. This can result in a permissive parenting style that lacks structure.
- Characteristics: They struggle to set boundaries and are unable to voice their needs or enforce limits effectively.
When conflicts arise, they may say things like, “I don't know how to help you guys. Figure it out.”
- Background: These parents may have grown up in authoritarian households or had a parent who was also permissive.
Their inability to assert themselves often stems from the belief that exerting authority will hurt their children.
- Challenges: Power Under Parents may feel powerless and worry that setting boundaries could lead to rejection by their children. This can lead to permissiveness and a lack of direction.
Finding Balance in Parenting:
The journey for Power Under Parents involves learning to assert authority in a healthy way.
This can be done through specific dicipline tools and strategies that build confidence, enabling them to establish clear boundaries without fear of harming their children.
- The Power With Parent
The Power With Parent exemplifies the Parenting With Understanding™️ approach. They value collaboration and use empathy to guide their children in a positive direction.
- Characteristics: They view their children as equals in value and validate their feelings while maintaining clear and firm boundaries.
They strive for collaborative problem-solving and aim to understand and meet their children’s needs.
- Background: This type of parenting style is often the result of conscious effort and intentional learning, as many of us grew up in households with Power Over or Power Under dynamics.
- Challenges: Finding this balance requires ongoing self-reflection and a willingness to break free from old patterns.
Embracing the Power With Approach:
Transitioning to this parenting style involves consistent practice and understanding of your child's needs.
Developing the skill of collaborating and respecting your child while also guiding them can empower both parent and child.
A Real-World Example: My Brother and My Son
A practical example of the Power With approach involved my brother and my son.
My brother has autism, Down syndrome, and is non-verbal, while my son has high sensory needs.
My brother often tried to connect with my son by poking his shoulder, which my son found overwhelming.
Instead of scolding either of them for their responses, we found a collaborative solution.
We taught my brother to offer a fist bump instead of poking, allowing them to meet their needs for connection and sensory regulation, respectively.
This approach ensured both felt understood and respected.
Conclusion: Moving Toward a Secure Parenting Style
Understanding these three types of parenting styles is a step toward self-awareness and growth.
The Secure Parent Collective, with its supportive community and structured coaching, is designed to help you on this journey.
Remember, every parent has the capacity to evolve and adopt the Power With approach for a healthier, more connected relationship with their children.
