Epi #191. The Most Powerful Parenting Decision That You Will Ever Make.

🔥 The Hook: The Wildfire That Stops With You

Imagine a wildfire.

A huge one.

The kind that spreads fast… racing across the trees, the bushes, everything.

Now imagine one person turning around, facing the flames, and saying,

“It stops with me.”

Even if their back already has scars.

Even if they are scared.

Even if they feel unprepared.

They turn.
They face the fire.
And they stop it so the people behind them stay safe.

That’s what it looks like when a parent chooses healing.

That is what you are doing right now by reading this.

And this blog?
This is the place where you will finally understand why your child’s behavior is not the real problem…

…and what actually needs to change so you can parent with peace, not panic.

If you’ve been trying so hard to stop yelling…
If you feel guilty at night…
If you want to break the cycle but don’t know how…

You belong here.
Take a breath.
Let’s walk together.

1. When Willpower Isn’t Enough

Let me tell you about a mom I coached.
We’ll call her Emily.

One night, after putting her two girls to sleep, she sat at her kitchen table with her head in her hands.
She whispered to herself,

“I don’t want to yell anymore.
I don’t want them going to bed feeling sad.
I don’t want to keep feeling guilty.”

So she made a logical decision:

“Tomorrow I will not yell.”

But the next day…

The morning rush happened.
The lost shoe happened.
The spilled cereal happened.
The fighting in the car happened.
The traffic happened.

And by 5pm…
Emily was yelling again.

And then came the guilt.

“What’s wrong with me?
I promised myself I wouldn’t yell.
Why can’t I stop?”

Does this sound familiar?

You decide.
You promise.
You try.

But you still snap.

Let me say this gently, with love:

Your reactivity is not a thinking problem.
It is a nervous system problem.

That’s why willpower doesn’t work.
You cannot think your way out of a survival response.

You need something deeper.
And that’s what we’re going to uncover next.

2. Why Your Body Reacts Before Your Brain Can Help

Reactivity lives in the body.

Not the mind.

Overwhelm.
Anxiety.
Fear.
Anger.
Frustration.

All of these come from nervous system activation.

When your kids cry…
When they yell…
When they hit…
When they don’t listen…

Your body remembers something.

And that “something” is usually from your own childhood.

Let me tell you my story.

When my kids were little and cried, something inside me would explode.
Not in anger…
But in panic.

A pressure in my chest.
A rush of energy.
A desperate need to make them stop crying right now.

Why?

Because when I was growing up, my autistic brother cried a lot.
And when he cried…
It was “my fault.”
I was shamed.
I was blamed.
I was told I wasn’t doing enough to keep him happy.

So my nervous system learned:

Crying = danger.
Crying = failure.
Crying = shame.

So as an adult, whenever my own children cried, my body reacted first.

Not my logic.
Not my values.
Not who I wanted to be as a mom.

My nervous system took over.

This is why thinking “I’ll stop yelling tomorrow” doesn’t work.

Your body reacts before your brain can help you.

This is not your fault.
But healing is your responsibility.

And it starts with one thing:

Awareness.

3. The First Step: Awareness of Your Inner Story

Awareness is the moment you catch yourself and say,

“Oh… this isn’t about my child.
This is about me.”

Awareness is not shame.
Awareness is power.

It’s when you realize:

You are not that little girl anymore.
You are not in danger.
You are not responsible for everyone’s emotions.
You are not the child who had to keep the peace.
You are not the child who had to be perfect.
You are not the child who had to stay small to stay safe.

You are a grown parent now.

With choices.
With power.
With a voice.

Awareness helps you stay in the present instead of being pulled into old pain.

So the next time your child melts down…

Instead of thinking,
“What’s wrong with me?”
or
“Why can’t they just stop?”

You can pause and tell your nervous system:

“This is not my past.
This is my child.
And they need me.”

That pause is life-changing.

It’s the spark that stops the wildfire.

4. The Baggage We Bring Into Parenting (And Don’t Realize We Carry)

According to researcher Dr. John Delony, trauma is not always one big event.

Sometimes trauma is:

1. Acute Trauma

A sudden event that changed everything.
A divorce.
A violent moment.
A loss.

2. Secondary Trauma

Growing up around people who were hurting.
Yelling.
Fighting.
Silence.
Tension you could feel in the air.

3. Neglect Trauma

Not getting what you needed.
Being left alone with big feelings.
Not being heard.
Not being comforted.

4. Cumulative Trauma

The small cuts that add up:
“Not good enough.”
“Why did you do that?”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“Stop crying.”
“Just do better.”

5. Collective Trauma

Like growing up in unsafe environments or unstable times.

All of this sits inside your nervous system.

So when your child hits…
Screams…
Cries…
Talks back…

Your body isn’t reacting to them.
Your body is reacting to your old story.

And this is why healing is the most powerful parenting decision you will ever make.

5. How Trauma Shows Up in Your Daily Parenting

You may think you’re “just tired” or “just stressed.”

But unresolved wounds show up in sneaky ways:

• snapping when your child spills something

• shutting down when someone yells

• freezing when your child is upset

• feeling annoyed at normal kid behavior

• getting defensive when your child says “no”

• going into people-pleasing with your partner

• taking on too much and burning out

• eating poorly

• never resting

• feeling guilty all the time

Your reactions are messages.

They are signals asking you to look within.

Not to judge yourself.

But to understand yourself.

6. What Healing Really Looks Like (And What It Doesn’t)

Healing is not perfection.

It is not staying calm every single time.

It is not controlling your emotions.

Healing looks like:

• noticing the trigger

• naming the feeling

• grounding your body

• responding with intention

• giving yourself compassion

• giving your child compassion

• updating the story inside your nervous system

Healing is daily.
Healing is slow.
Healing is worth it.

Healing is choosing to face the fire instead of letting it spread to your children.

Let me show you how that actually works.

7. Healing Step #1: Awareness of Your Narrative

Your inner story might sound like:

“I must fix this.”
“I must keep everyone happy.”
“I must stay quiet.”
“No one listens to me.”
“I’m not enough.”
“My needs don’t matter.”
“If my child misbehaves, it means I’m failing.”

Awareness helps you say,

“This is the old story.
It’s not the truth anymore.”

You get to write a new one.

8. Healing Step #2: Expanding Your Beliefs

Old belief:
“I can’t handle this.”

New belief:
“I am capable.”

Old belief:
“I must stay calm at all times.”

New belief:
“I can repair when I mess up.”

Old belief:
“I have no support.”

New belief:
“I can ask for the support I need.”

Expanding your beliefs lets you show up as the secure parent your child needs.

9. Healing Step #3: Getting the Support You Deserve

Support matters.

Support changes everything.

Support is not a luxury.
It is a need.

Support can look like:

• asking your partner for help

• getting childcare

• joining therapy

• joining parenting coaching

• being in a community of parents like you

• learning tools that calm your nervous system

Therapy heals the past.
Coaching helps you not pass the past to your kids.

You deserve both.

10. Healing Step #4: Allowing All Emotions (Yours & Theirs)

Healing means letting emotions exist.

All of them.

Anger is allowed.
Fear is allowed.
Frustration is allowed.
Annoyance is allowed.
Sadness is allowed.

Your child’s emotions are allowed too.

None of these are dangerous.

They are messengers.

They tell you what’s happening inside.

Anger may be saying,
“You need help.”

Overwhelm may say,
“You need rest.”

Sadness may say,
“You miss the old version of life.”

Emotions are not enemies.
Emotions are guides.

11. Healing Step #5: Grieving the Old Dreams

This one is tender.

Healing means grieving.

Grieving the life you thought you’d have.
Grieving the ease you expected.
Grieving the version of parenting you imagined before you had a sensitive or neurodivergent child.
Grieving the old routines.
Grieving your old energy.
Grieving your old freedom.

Grief isn’t weakness.
Grief is acceptance.
Grief is love.

And grief helps you build the family you have now—
not the one you imagined before you understood neurodiversity, trauma, or your own healing.

12. Healing Step #6: Choosing Forgiveness

Forgiving your past.
Forgiving your parents.
Forgiving your mistakes.
Forgiving the moments you yelled.
Forgiving the moments you froze.
Forgiving the moments you said something you regret.

Forgiveness doesn’t excuse anything.
Forgiveness frees you.

It lets you step into the parent you are becoming…

Not the parent you used to be.

13. You Are the One Who Stops the Wildfire

Your scars may stay.

But your children don’t have to carry your wounds.

Your story can change.

Your cycle can end.

Not by perfection.
Not by willpower.
Not by reading more.

But by choosing healing
every
single
day.

And you don’t have to do that alone.

💛 Want to Take the Next Step?

If you want to learn the system that helped me and over 14,151 parents stop toxic reactions, parent with peace, and raise secure children…

Then I want you to access my FREE class:

The Parenting With Understanding™ System of Needs

In this class, you will learn:

✅ Why your child’s behaviors trigger your nervous system
✅ What your body needs to feel safe and calm
✅ How to respond instead of reacting
✅ How to communicate so your child listens
✅ How to start raising emotionally healthy, secure kids

And more.

To get the link, just go to Instagram and DM me:

“peace 25”

I will send it right to you.

You don’t have to face the fire alone.

Let’s break the cycle together. 💛