Epi #179.The only Parenting Responses You’ll EVER Need

Have you ever been here?

Your child is in the middle of a meltdown.

They’re yelling.
They’re hitting.
They’re throwing themselves on the floor.

And you feel that knot in your stomach rise up.

You’ve tried everything—warnings, timeouts, even trying to stay calm and gentle at first.
But the more you try, the worse it gets.

And you’re left thinking… “Why does my child keep acting like this? Am I failing as a parent?”

Friend, I’ve been there.

But I want you to know something very important:
👉 Your child’s behavior is not the real problem.
The behavior is only the signal.

And once you learn how to look underneath it, everything changes.

This article is going to show you exactly how.

1. Behavior Is Not the Enemy

When a child yells, refuses to listen, or hits their sibling, it’s easy to see it as defiance.

I used to believe that too.

But here’s what I learned as both a mom and a parenting coach:
Behavior is not about “bad kids” or “bad parenting.”

Behavior is communication.
It’s the way children show us what they can’t say with words yet.

So the meltdown at bedtime?
It’s not about disrespect.
It might be about fear, sensory overload, or even something as simple as not feeling well.

When you start to see behavior as a signal instead of the problem, you stop fighting your child… and start helping them.

2. A Story From My Home

The other night, my son Santi—who is autistic and has ADHD—was sick with COVID.

He was congested, anxious, and miserable.
When bedtime came, he refused to lay down.
Instead, he went to grab our cat and started petting her.

I told him, “It’s time for bed.”
He ignored me.
I repeated myself.
He ignored me again.

And then… meltdown.

It was big. Loud. Overwhelming.

Now, here’s the thing. His twin brother, who also had COVID, was able to lay down and rest quietly.
So why was Santi falling apart while his brother was calm?

It wasn’t about obedience.
It was about needs.

Santi’s sensory system was overwhelmed. Laying flat made him feel like he couldn’t breathe.

The behavior—refusing bedtime—wasn’t the problem.
The need underneath was the problem.

That night taught me something powerful:
👉 If you only fight the behavior, you’ll lose. But if you address the need, you’ll connect.

3. The Secret Sauce: Personalized Attunement

Researchers call this personalized attunement.
It simply means meeting your child where they are in the moment, based on their unique needs.

There are 3 steps to doing this well:

Step 1: Prioritize safety over compliance

When kids are dysregulated, pushing for obedience makes things worse.
Start with: “How can I help my child feel safe right now?”

Step 2: Address the cause, not the behavior

Surface behavior is never the full story.
Is your child hungry? Overstimulated? Anxious? Tired?
Find the root, and the behavior starts to make sense.

Step 3: Offer co-regulation, not control

Kids in meltdown cannot calm down alone.
They need to borrow your calm until their nervous system resets.
This doesn’t mean giving in. It means staying close, steady, and safe.

4. Why This Works

That night with Santi, I stopped repeating myself about bedtime.

Instead, I asked him, “What’s making you feel uncomfortable?”
And he said, “If I lay down, I can’t breathe.”

So we propped him up with pillows.
When that still didn’t help, I sat with him on the couch, rubbed his back, and gave him time until he finally fell asleep.

The win wasn’t him being in bed on time.
The win was that through his entire meltdown, he felt safe with me.

And here’s the truth:
A successful response to a meltdown is not about stopping it fast.
It’s about keeping your child safe until it passes.

That’s what builds trust.
That’s what helps your child learn self-regulation over time.

5. The Four Unique Differences You Must See

Every child processes the world differently.

Here are the four individual differences that shape behavior:

1. Biological differences — Like hunger, sickness, hormones, or tiredness.
   2. Sensory differences — Overwhelm or under-stimulation from their senses.
   3. Emotional differences — Sadness, anxiety, separation fears.
   4. Thought differences — Negative self-talk, perfectionism, or beliefs like “I’m bad.”

When you connect the dots between behavior and these differences, you stop asking,
“What’s wrong with my child?”
And start asking,
“What is my child needing right now?”

That shift changes everything.

6. What This Means for You

If you’ve been blaming yourself or feeling guilty for your child’s behavior, I want you to take a deep breath.

You are not failing.

You just haven’t been given the tools to see what’s really underneath the behavior.

And once you have those tools, you’ll feel calmer.
Your child will feel safer.
And cooperation will finally come without the yelling, punishing, or constant battles.

7. Your Next Step

So let me ask you this:
When your child has a meltdown, do they feel safe with you at every stage?
Or do you get caught in the cycle of control—explaining, threatening, or yelling?

Your child’s behavior isn’t the real problem.
It’s the message.

And once you learn to see it that way, you’ll stop fighting your child… and start healing your relationship with them.

So don’t wait. DM me “peace 25” on Instagram right now and get started with the free class.
@highimpactclub
@hicparenting

Because your child doesn’t need a perfect parent.
They need a safe one.

And that parent can be you.