Epi #177. 3 Signs You’re Raising a Emotionally Intelligent Child

I remember a mom once telling me,
"Marcela, it’s like my child waits for me to yell before they do what I asked."

She wasn’t proud of yelling. She was tired. Frustrated.
And she felt like her child’s behavior was the real problem in the home.

If you’ve ever felt that way — like the meltdowns, backtalk, or “I’m not listening” moments are driving you to the edge — I want to offer you a fresh perspective.

Your child’s behavior isn’t actually the problem.
It’s a signal. A message.
A way of saying: “Something inside me needs help right now.”

And once you see it this way, everything about your parenting can change.

This is exactly what we’re going to talk about in this article.
You’ll learn the three core skills your child needs to handle life’s challenges —
and how you can help them develop those skills while breaking free from angry reactions yourself.

Why This Article Is Worth Your Time

If you’ve been trying to break cycles, stop yelling, and raise emotionally healthy kids,
you’ve probably read a dozen tips online…
but still feel stuck in the same old patterns.

Here’s why:
Most parenting advice focuses on fixing behavior,
not on building the skills that make the behavior better in the first place.

In this article, I’ll walk you through what I call The Three C’s of emotional intelligence for kids:

1. Calm
   
   
2. Connect
   
   
3. Communicate
   
   

When your child can do these three things,
you’ll notice fewer power struggles, less defiance,
and a deeper, safer bond between you.

1. Calm — The First C Every Child Needs

Let me ask you something:
Can your child be calm?

And I don’t mean perfectly calm all the time.
All kids — even the most emotionally mature ones — have tantrums, meltdowns, and big feelings.

But after the storm, can they come back down to calm?
Can they laugh, play, or snuggle without tension in their body?
Do they have moments of pure joy where they feel safe being themselves?

For many kids, the answer is no.

Why Calm Is So Hard for Some Kids

If your child always seems on edge —
picking fights, bouncing from one meltdown to another,
or getting triggered by the smallest thing —
their nervous system might be stuck in “alert” mode.

Sometimes that’s because they’ve learned it from us.
And I say this with zero judgment.
If you grew up in a home where everyone was tense or reactive,
calm might not feel natural to you either.

You might find yourself always waiting for the next meltdown…
even in moments that are supposed to feel peaceful.

The Truth About Calm

Here’s the hard truth:
If we can’t access calm as parents,
it’s almost impossible for our kids to learn it.

Children borrow our nervous system to regulate themselves.
When we breathe slowly, they feel safer.
When we hold tension in our body, they sense it immediately.

The good news?
Calm is a skill. And like any skill, it can be learned.
It starts with understanding your own triggers,
and learning tools to settle yourself first.

Because when you can be the calm in your home,
your child learns to calm themselves too.

2. Connect — The Second C That Builds Trust

The second C is Connect.

Connection is more than game nights and hugs.
It’s about being your child’s safe place —
the person they turn to when they’re scared, sad, or overwhelmed.

The “First Time at the Beach” Story

I like to think about connection using this picture.

Imagine your child at the beach for the first time.
They’re standing at the water’s edge,
and a big wave starts rolling in.

They feel nervous.
But then your warm, steady hand takes theirs.
In that moment, they feel safe — even though the wave is still coming.

That’s emotional connection.
It’s knowing, “Even when life gets scary, I can trust you to hold me.”

When Connection Isn’t Secure

Now imagine the same wave is coming,
but the child has learned that sometimes your hand lets go.

Maybe you’re loving and present one moment,
but distracted, impatient, or reactive the next.

That uncertainty makes true connection harder.
They may cling to you physically…
but emotionally, they keep a wall up.

And without that deep trust,
they won’t always bring you their big feelings.

Why This Matters

Connection doesn’t mean you’ll never have rules or boundaries.
It means that even in discipline,
your child feels safe and loved.

It means they believe: “Even when I mess up, my parent will help me.”

3. Communicate — The Third C That Changes Everything

The third C is Communicate.

Communication isn’t just about talking.
It’s about understanding your feelings,
and expressing them in a way others can understand.

Even Nonverbal Kids Can Communicate

I’ve seen this with my own family and children I’ve fostered.

My brother is autistic, has Down syndrome, and is nonverbal.
Yet he can communicate his needs, emotions, and preferences clearly.

So can other children I’ve worked with who don’t use words.
They’ve learned how to show what’s going on inside in a way we can understand.

Why Communication Builds Calm

When kids can name what they’re feeling —
“I’m mad because my sister broke my toy” —
they’re three times more likely to calm down
than if they only act on that feeling.

But they don’t learn this skill by accident.
They learn it from us.

We have to model it.
If we only react to the surface behavior —
“You’re being rude” or “Stop that” —
they never learn to look deeper at the why.

You Are the Emotional Translator

Think of yourself as your child’s emotional translator.

When they act out, you help put their feelings into words:
“You’re upset because you wanted to keep playing,
and now it’s time to stop.”

This helps them understand themselves better.
And when they understand themselves,
they can communicate their needs instead of acting them out.

Putting the Three C’s Together

When your child can be Calm, Connect, and Communicate,
behavior problems start to fade.

They’ll still make mistakes.
They’ll still have meltdowns sometimes.
But they’ll know how to come back to you,
how to settle themselves,
and how to talk about what’s going on.

That’s the foundation of emotional intelligence.
And it’s the heart of raising a secure child.

But Here’s the Thing…

You can’t give what you don’t have.

If calm, connection, or communication is hard for you right now,
it doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent.
It means you didn’t get these skills growing up —
and now you have the chance to learn them.

When you build these three skills in yourself first,
your child learns them naturally through you.

A Personal Note

I’ve worked with so many parents who started here —
feeling stuck in the same patterns of yelling,
punishing, and then feeling guilty.

They wanted to change,
but every time they tried to “stay calm,”
it felt like they were fighting against years of habit.

The shift happened when they stopped focusing only on fixing behavior,
and started building these deeper skills instead.

That’s when the power struggles faded,
and the home felt safer — for both parent and child.

Your Next Step — Learn the Parenting With Understanding™ System

If you’re reading this thinking,
"Marcela, I want this. I just don’t know how to get there,"
I want to invite you to my free class.

It’s called:
The Parenting With Understanding™ System of Needs —
Break Free from Angry Reactions and Raise Secure Children.

In this class, you’ll learn how to:
✅ Overcome angry reactions so you can respond calmly in the chaos
✅ Communicate so your children listen even when you say “no”
✅ Raise emotionally healthy kids who grow up confident and self-accountable

It’s on-demand, so you can start today.
👉 Click here to access the class

You don’t have to figure this out alone.
And you don’t have to stay stuck in the same exhausting cycle.

Your child’s behavior isn’t the problem.
With the right tools, you can help them be calm, connect deeply, and communicate clearly —
and you can enjoy a home filled with more peace, trust, and joy.