“I don’t want to fight anymore. I just want peace in my home.”

Have you ever said that to yourself?

Maybe after your child refused to brush their teeth for the fourth night in a row…
Or when they shouted “No!” in your face as you asked them to clean up their toys.

You’re trying your best.
You’ve read the books.
You’ve followed gentle parenting pages.
You’re breaking cycles…
But the power struggles just keep happening.

And sometimes, even though you don’t want to, you end up yelling.
You feel defeated.
Exhausted.
Ashamed.

If this is you, I want you to know—you’re not alone.
You’re not failing.
And more importantly, there is a reason these power struggles keep happening.

It’s not about discipline.
It’s about neuroception.

This blog is where you’ll finally get answers.
And a new way to see your child—and yourself—with more compassion and clarity.

Let’s dive in.

1. What Is Neuroception (And Why You’ve Never Heard About It)

Neuroception is a big word that means something very simple:

It’s how your child’s nervous system decides if a situation feels safe or dangerous.

And it doesn’t always match what’s really happening.

Your child could be in a calm, happy room…
But if their nervous system feels unsafe, their behavior will show it.

This is why logic, lectures, and even rewards often don’t work.
Because when a child’s body senses danger—even when there is none—
They go into survival mode.

That’s what happened to a little boy I once coached. Let’s call him Timmy.

2. Timmy’s Story: When “What Worked Before” Stops Working

Timmy was having a hard time in school.

He was pulling kids’ hair.
Picking at his skin.
Refusing to follow directions.

His teacher meant well. She had worked with another child who did great when she offered sensory breaks. So she tried the same with Timmy.

“Timmy, take a break. Let’s calm down.”

But it only made things worse.

Timmy would get even more upset.
He’d scream.
Refuse.
Act out even more.

Why?

Because to Timmy, being sent away from the group felt like punishment.

His nervous system screamed: “Danger! I’m not safe!”

Even though the intention was good, the perception was different.

This is what happens when we don’t look at behavior through the lens of neuroception.

3. Your Child’s Behavior Is Not About Being “Bad”

Let me say this clearly:

Behavior is not random.

It’s not defiant.

It’s not bad.

It’s your child’s best attempt to feel safe.

Even hitting.
Even yelling.
Even refusing.

These are nervous system responses.
Not signs of a “spoiled” child.
Not signs of disrespect.

Let me share a story about myself.

I was once on a turbulent flight. The plane dipped unexpectedly, and even though the flight attendant reassured us over and over that we were safe… my body didn’t believe it.

I had a meltdown.

I knew we were okay…
But my body felt like we were falling from the sky.

This is neuroception.

Children go through this every day.

4. The Four Kinds of Safety (And Which One Your Child May Be Missing)

We often think of safety as just “not being hurt.”

But there are four kinds of safety your child’s nervous system looks for:

1. Physical safety

“Am I in danger physically?” (running, falling, being hurt)

2. Emotional safety

“Is it okay to feel what I feel?”

3. Psychological safety

“Can I share my opinions, mistakes, or struggles without shame?”

4. Relational safety

“Do I feel safe with you?”

If even one of these feels missing, your child may go into fight, flight, or freeze.

That’s when you’ll see…

• The backtalk

• The tantrums

• The power struggles

But what if I told you...
Your reactions might be doing the same thing?

5. Your Yelling Is Neuroception Too

That’s right.

Your body has neuroception just like your child’s.

When you see your children fighting or misbehaving, your nervous system might whisper:

“Danger.”

And suddenly, you’re yelling.
You’re threatening.
You’re reacting in ways that feel automatic.

It’s not that you won’t stop yelling.
It’s that in that moment… you can’t.

Because just like your child, your nervous system is trying to protect you.

It’s doing its best.
But it’s stuck in old patterns.

The good news?
You can change this.

6. Why One-Size-Fits-All Parenting Doesn’t Work

Let’s go back to Timmy.

The teacher used a good tool (a sensory break), but it didn’t fit Timmy’s need.

Why?

Because Timmy is not like every other child.
Just like your child isn’t either.

Some children want space.
Some need closeness.
Some are triggered by rejection.
Some by noise, change, or shame.

If we only use surface-level discipline tools, we miss the deeper story.

We miss what the behavior is trying to say.

7. It's Not That They “Won’t” — It’s That They Can’t

There’s a study from the book Beyond Behaviors that says:

56% of parents believe children under 3 can control their impulses.

But here’s the truth:

Your two-year-old isn’t hitting because she wants to.
She’s hitting because she can’t stop herself yet.

Her brain is still growing.

And when her nervous system feels overwhelmed, the impulse takes over.

Instead of asking “How do I get her to stop?”
We ask, “What can I do to help her feel safe enough not to need to hit?”

It’s a complete shift.

And it changes everything.

8. How to Use Neuroception to Stop Power Struggles

Now that you know what’s really going on, here’s how to use neuroception as your parenting tool.

First: Regulate yourself.
Ask, “What danger am I feeling right now?”

Second: Relate to your child.
“How can I connect, so they know I’m safe?”

Third: Redirect gently.
“Now that we feel calm, how can we solve this together?”

This is called: Regulate → Relate → Redirect

And it works.

But it’s not always instant.
Sometimes, especially with trauma or foster children, the first two steps need a lot of time.

That’s okay.

That’s how we build trust.
That’s how we build cooperation.

9. When You Yell, Ask Yourself This…

Next time you yell or react in a way you regret, don’t go straight into guilt.

Instead, pause and ask:

• What was the perceived danger my body felt?

• What belief got triggered?

• What was I afraid would happen?

Maybe you thought:
“If I don’t yell, they’ll never listen.”
“If I let this go, they’ll grow up to be disrespectful.”
“I’m failing as a parent.”

These beliefs aren’t facts.
But they feel real.
And they shape how we show up.

This is why parenting from the inside out matters so much.

10. You Are Not a Bad Parent

You’re reading this blog.
You care.
You’re trying.

That already makes you a good parent.

But maybe no one ever taught you how to feel safe.
Maybe your childhood didn’t include emotional safety.

That’s not your fault.
And you can still change the story.

That’s what we do at HIC Parenting.

We help parents like you break free from angry reactions…
And become calm, confident, secure parents.

Ready to Break Free From Angry Reactions?

You don’t have to figure this out alone.
If this blog made you feel seen—then I know our free class will help even more.

In this class, I’ll teach you the Parenting With Understanding™ System of Needs.

✅ You’ll learn how to stop angry reactions and respond calmly—without forcing yourself to “stay calm”
✅ You’ll know how to set boundaries your kids actually listen to—even when you say no
✅ And you’ll understand what your child really needs to grow up confident, kind, and emotionally healthy

This is the same method that helped thousands of families—including parents like Zach, who once yelled daily and didn’t believe in conscious parenting… until he saw the changes for himself.

🎁 It’s 100% free. And it starts with one click.

👉 Click here to access the class

You’re not failing. You’re just missing the right tools.

And I’d love to teach them to you ❤️

See you inside.