Epi #169. How to Teach Kids to Be Kind Through Mindsight. PART 1

Have you ever looked at your child and thought…

"Why are they acting like this? Why do they yell, hit, shut down, or refuse to listen no matter what I try?"

If you’ve ever felt that way, you’re not alone.

Many parents come to me feeling overwhelmed. They’ve tried gentle parenting. They’ve read the books, watched the videos, even practiced breathing exercises.

And still, the behaviors keep coming.

But here’s the truth I want to tell you:

Your child’s behavior is not the real problem.

Their behavior is a signal.

And when we learn how to read that signal, we can finally respond in a way that brings peace to your home.

Let me show you how.

1. Behavior Is Just the Surface

I once worked with a sweet 6-year-old girl who would cry and scream over her math homework.

She would shut down. Refuse to try. Say things like, "I’m dumb. I can’t do it."

Her mom thought she was being defiant.

But as we dug deeper, we found something else.

This little girl had already built a belief about herself.

She believed she was not smart.

So when math came up, her brain screamed, "Don’t even try! You’ll fail!"

Of course she wanted to avoid it.

She wasn’t trying to be difficult. She was protecting herself.

And that changed everything.

Because now, instead of correcting the behavior, we could meet the need underneath.

2. The Tool That Changed It All: Mindsight

This is where I use a tool called mindsight. It’s a way for kids to understand their own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.

We used something called the Wheel of Awareness (created by Dr. Daniel Siegel).

Picture a bicycle wheel.

The center of the wheel is your child’s true self.

The outer edges are all the things they feel, believe, and notice.

In this little girl’s case, her whole attention was stuck on one thing: "I’m dumb."

So we gently helped her notice other parts of herself:

• She was kind.
• She made her baby brother laugh.
• She once won a spelling bee.

Her brain had been stuck on one belief.

But with mindsight, she learned to shift.

And that… changed everything.

She started trying again. She felt hopeful. And her meltdowns around homework slowly faded.

3. Try This With Your Child: The SIFT Tool

Want to help your child do the same?

Try a simple tool called SIFT.

S = Sensations
I = Images
F = Feelings
T = Thoughts

Let me show you how it works.

Imagine your child says: "I hate my sister! Send her back to the hospital!"

That hurts, right?

But instead of correcting them right away, try SIFT.

• Sensation: "What is your body feeling right now? Is your heart beating fast? Are your fists tight?"
• Image: "What picture is in your head? What are you seeing right now?"
• Feeling: "Are you feeling mad? Sad? Left out?"
• Thought: "Are you thinking it’s not fair that she gets more attention?"

You’re helping your child slow down and name what’s going on inside.

That’s what helps behavior change.

Not yelling. Not time outs.

Understanding.

4. Your Own Mind Matters Too

You can only teach your child what you’ve practiced yourself.

So take a deep breath, and let me ask you:

• What is one moment this week where your child made you smile?
• What would you miss if you never got to be their parent?
• Picture them at 18, walking out the door. What do you feel?

These questions help you shift your focus.

When you feel calmer and more connected, it shows.

And your child learns how to do the same.

5. The Behavior Is a Message. Are You Ready to Hear It?

Your child isn’t trying to make your life harder.

They are trying to feel seen.

When they say "I hate you," they might be saying, "I’m hurt and I don’t know how to say it."

When they throw something, they might be screaming, "Please help me feel safe."

This doesn’t mean you ignore behavior.

It means you understand the why so you can guide with love.

This is what I call Parenting With Understanding.

And it’s possible for you.

Even if you yell.

Even if you feel like you’ve messed up a hundred times.

Even if your childhood taught you to hide your feelings.

6. You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

What I shared today is just the beginning.

If you want to go deeper, I made a free class just for you.

Ready to Break Free from Angry Reactions and Raise Secure Children?

If this story resonated with you, I want to invite you to my free class.

In this class, you’ll learn:

✅ How to stop angry reactions and respond calmly in tough moments.

✅ What you need to say so your kids listen—even when you say "no."

✅ How to raise emotionally healthy kids who can handle the real world with confidence.

You don’t have to stay stuck in reactivity.

You can become the secure parent your child needs.

👉 Tap here to join the free class now

You got this. And I’m here to help.