Epi #164. Why You Keep Losing With Your Kids (Even When You know Better)

Do you ever wonder why you still lose your cool, even after reading all the parenting books?

You promise yourself you’ll stay calm. You tell yourself this time will be different. But then it happens again. Your child doesn’t listen. They push back. And before you even realize it, you’re yelling. 😔

If you feel stuck in this cycle, you’re not alone. And friend, you’re not a bad parent. There’s just something deeper going on—and that’s what we’re going to uncover right here.

So take a deep breath. This is where things start to change. 💛

1. Why Do We Keep Reacting, Even When We Know Better?

Let me tell you about something I saw on TikTok recently.

A father bought his young son a big, fancy toy car. He was so excited to surprise him! He even blindfolded his little boy for the big reveal. But when the boy opened his eyes… he didn’t like the car.

And in a split second, the dad lost it. He picked up the car, carried it upstairs, and threw it over the balcony—destroying it.

His wife tried to stop him. His son cried and begged him not to do it. But he couldn’t hear anyone through his rage.

Now, you might think, “I’d never do that!” And maybe you wouldn’t. But have you ever slammed a door? Snapped at your child? Said something you regretted?

That’s the same storm. It just looks a little different.

2. So What’s Really Going On?

You might think it’s your child’s behavior that triggers you. But it’s not.

It’s not the tantrum. It’s not the backtalk. It’s not the spilled juice or the slammed door.

It’s something deeper—something most of us don’t even realize is there.

It’s your childhood wounds.

Many of us grew up feeling unseen. Unheard. Like we had to earn love and acceptance.

So when our kids reject us—even in small ways—it stings big.

And without even realizing it, we react from that old hurt.

3. Are You Parenting Through the Wound of Rejection?

Let’s get really honest.

How does it feel when your child rejects you?

When they don’t want your hug?
When they say they don’t like the food you made?
When they push away something you worked hard to give them?

Does it feel unbearable?

If it does, you might be parenting through the wound of rejection. And that wound makes every little “no” feel like a giant “You’re not good enough.”

But friend, that’s not the truth. That’s the old pain talking.

4. This Is Why Gentle Parenting Tips Alone Don’t Work

You can try all the deep breaths in the world.
You can say the “right” words.
You can memorize scripts from Instagram.

But if you don’t heal the wound underneath, it’s only a matter of time before you explode again.

That’s why so many parents tell me, “Marcela, I’ve tried everything. Why am I still reacting?”

Because you’re trying to parent through pain that hasn’t healed yet.

And it’s not your fault. You just haven’t learned how to heal it.

5. How Do You Actually Fix This?

It starts with awareness.

Once you can see the wound, you can start changing the way you respond.

Let me share about my coaching client, Nick.

He was stuck in the same cycle. Warm and loving one minute. Yelling the next.

He didn’t want to be that parent, but he didn’t know how to stop.

Through our coaching, he learned how to regulate his emotions, understand his triggers, and finally see his children’s needs clearly.

In just a few weeks, he ended six years of power struggles in his home.

Yes, it really is possible. And you can do it too. 💛

6. Try This One Simple Tool Today

Next time your child rejects something—whether it’s a hug, a meal, or a gift—pause and ask yourself:

👉 Is this really about them, or is this touching something in me?

This small pause helps you step out of reaction and into reflection.

Your child isn’t rejecting you. They’re having a moment. And you can be the calm in their storm.

That’s the first step to becoming a secure parent.

7. What About the Child from the TikTok Video?

Let’s go back to that little boy who rejected the toy car.

Was he ungrateful? No. He was just being a normal child.

Children under 7 are in what’s called the egocentric stage. They can’t yet understand things from another person’s point of view. They don’t think about how hard you worked. They’re just focused on what they feel right now.

And in that moment, he didn’t like the toy. So he kicked it.

That doesn’t mean he’s bad. It just means he’s still learning.

What if his dad had paused? What if instead of reacting from his pain, he’d gently taught his son, “It’s okay not to like it, but we don’t kick things. You can just say, ‘I don’t like it.’”

That’s what a secure parent does. And that’s the parent you’re becoming.

8. How to Start Your Journey Toward Calm and Connection

Friend, if this message hit home, I want you to know… you can change this.

You don’t have to keep living in guilt and frustration.

And you don’t have to figure it out alone.

I have a free class that will help you take the next step. 🎉

In this class, you’ll learn:

✅ How to overcome angry reactions and respond calmly during your children’s chaos.
✅ How to communicate so your child listens—even when you say “no.”
✅ How to raise emotionally healthy children who can face the real world with confidence and self-accountability.

👉 Watch the class here

Your journey to peace starts with one small step. Take it today. 💛