Epi #162. I Coached 14,151 Parents Who Wanted to Stop Yelling. This is What I Found
Apr 29, 2025
Have you ever wondered, “Why do I keep yelling at my kids?”
Or maybe you feel like every day is full of power struggles, tears, and guilt. You end the day wishing you could just find some peace. You are not alone.
I talk to parents every day who feel the same way.
And I want you to know something really important—
Your child’s behavior isn’t actually the problem.
That’s right.
There’s something deeper going on.
And once you understand it, you’ll finally see why nothing else has worked before—and what will work to change things for good.
Let’s talk about it.
This blog is here to give you the real answers you’ve been looking for.
1. Why You’re Not a Bad Parent
I want to start by saying—if you’re reading this, you’re already a good parent.
You care.
You want to stop yelling.
You want your kids to feel safe and happy.
You want to be the parent you needed when you were young.
But sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you end up yelling, shutting down, or feeling like you’ve lost control.
It’s so easy to blame yourself, but here’s the truth: You’re not a bad parent.
You just haven’t learned the skills you need yet.
I have been there too.
And I’ve helped thousands of parents just like you find their way out of that cycle.
2. The Real Reason for Reactivity
Let’s get real for a minute.
Most parents think their child’s behavior is the reason they lose their cool.
But after coaching 14,151 parents at HIC Parenting, I can tell you—
The real reason is not your child.
It’s that you’re missing three special skills that make all the difference.
Not more hacks, not stricter rules, not a better sticker chart.
Just three simple skills.
Once you learn them, everything gets easier.
3. You Don’t Need More Parenting Tricks
I know you’ve probably tried a lot.
You may have read books, watched social media videos, and maybe even tried new routines or sticker charts.
But the truth is, none of those things work for long if you’re missing the three core skills I’m going to share with you.
I don’t want you to feel bad about this.
No one taught us these skills growing up.
But once you know them, you can become the calm, confident parent your kids need.
4. Skill #1: Emotional Regulation
Let’s start with the first skill—emotional regulation.
Have you ever tried really hard to “stay calm” but then found yourself yelling anyway?
You’re not alone.
Most parents think if they just try harder, the yelling will stop.
But what’s really happening is that you’re holding in your feelings all day.
You tell yourself, “Just be patient. Don’t lose it. Be calm.”
But those feelings of frustration, anger, or overwhelm don’t go away.
They build up inside, like a balloon getting bigger and bigger, until one little thing pops it—and you explode.
I call this “pressure cooker parenting.”
You try to keep the lid on, but the pressure just keeps growing.
What is emotional regulation?
It means noticing your feelings before they explode.
It’s saying, “I feel upset,” and choosing how to deal with that feeling, instead of stuffing it down.
It’s about learning safe ways to let off steam—like taking deep breaths, walking away for a minute, or talking to someone you trust.
When you learn this skill, you don’t just avoid yelling.
You become the calm, safe place your child needs—even when things get hard.
5. A Story From My Home
Let me tell you a quick story.
One day, my kids were playing outside with water balloons.
I asked one of them not to throw a balloon at their sibling’s face.
He did it again.
I felt my frustration rising.
In the past, I would have tried to “just stay calm”—but inside, I’d be getting madder and madder.
Eventually, I’d snap, yell, and the fun would be over for everyone.
But once I learned emotional regulation, things changed.
Instead of stuffing my feelings down, I noticed them.
I took a breath.
I chose to walk inside for a minute.
When I came back, I was able to talk to my kids calmly, and we kept having fun.
It took practice, but it worked.
6. Skill #2: Mind-sight
Now, let’s talk about the second skill—mind-sight.
Have you ever reacted to your child’s behavior and then realized you were actually reacting to something from your own childhood?
Maybe your child ignores you and you feel invisible, just like you did growing up.
Or your child is rough with a sibling and suddenly, it feels like more than just kids being kids.
Sometimes, we parent from old wounds instead of what’s happening right now.
This is called projection.
Mind-sight is the skill that helps you see what your child really needs—right now—without the old hurts getting in the way.
It means looking beneath the behavior and asking, “What’s going on for my child?”
Is my child tired?
Are they hungry, scared, or needing connection?
What are they trying to tell me with their behavior?
When you learn mind-sight, you respond with empathy and understanding, not old patterns.
7. Why Mind-sight Matters
Let’s say your child is having a tantrum before school.
Instead of thinking, “Why are they doing this to me?”
You pause and ask, “What is my child feeling? What do they need right now?”
You might realize your child is anxious about something at school.
So, instead of punishing or yelling, you offer comfort and support.
This changes everything.
Your child learns they can come to you, even when they’re struggling.
You both feel more connected—and the tantrums start to happen less and less.
8. Skill #3: Positive Discipline
Here’s the third skill—positive discipline.
Most of us grew up with punishments, time-outs, or yelling.
But these things only work for a little while, and sometimes they make things worse.
Have you ever noticed your child behaving well when you’re watching, but going back to the old behavior as soon as your back is turned?
That’s because punishment teaches children to be afraid, not to understand or do better.
Positive discipline is different.
It’s about teaching your child what to do, not just what not to do.
It means setting clear limits and letting natural consequences happen when it’s safe.
It also means giving your child chances to practice better choices, and supporting them as they learn.
9. A Simple Story About Positive Discipline
I once bought my kids toy trumpets.
One of them decided to stuff his with play-doh, even though I warned him it might break.
Instead of taking it away or yelling, I let him experience the natural consequence—the trumpet stopped working.
He was sad, but he learned to take care of his things.
He even bought a new trumpet and took much better care of it.
That lesson stuck with him, and I didn’t have to yell or punish.
10. The Real Reason We Yell
If you’re stuck in a cycle of yelling, apologizing, and feeling guilty, I want you to know—you’re not alone.
Most parents who come to HIC Parenting are feeling powerless and overwhelmed.
They yell not because they want to, but because they don’t have these three skills.
It’s not your fault.
You just haven’t had the right tools.
11. You Can Learn These Skills Too
Thousands of parents have learned these skills and seen big changes in their homes.
Once you start practicing emotional regulation, mind-sight, and positive discipline, you will:
- Stay calm, even when your kids lose it
- Know why your child is struggling, and help them at the root
- Set limits with kindness, not yelling or fear
- Enjoy more peace, connection, and happiness at home
And you’ll start to feel proud of your parenting—not guilty.
12. Real Stories, Real Changes
Let me share a few quick stories from real families we’ve helped.
Markus and His Daughter
Markus has ADHD, and so does his daughter.
Bedtime used to take two hours and end in yelling.
His daughter braced herself every night for her dad’s outburst.
But after Markus learned emotional regulation in coaching, bedtime dropped to 20 minutes.
His daughter relaxed.
Their relationship changed.
Sona’s Journey
Sona is a single mom of two.
She tried everything—bribes, yelling, rewards.
Nothing worked.
But when she learned mind-sight, she saw her kids were anxious after a big family change.
Once she addressed their needs, the fighting and yelling stopped.
Roberto’s Choice
Roberto was a traditional dad who believed in spanking.
But he realized it was making his daughter afraid of him.
He wanted respect, not fear.
He joined coaching, learned positive discipline, and his daughter now listens—not because she’s scared, but because she trusts him.
Their bond is stronger than ever.
13. What If You Feel Too Busy, or Like It’s Too Late?
Many parents worry they don’t have time to learn new skills, or that it’s too late because their kids are older.
Let me tell you—
It’s never too late, and you don’t have to do this alone.
Mikki is a homeschool mom who used to spend all day breaking up fights.
She thought she was too busy for coaching.
But once she learned these skills, she had more time and less stress.
Even parents of teens have healed relationships and found peace.
You can too.
14. What If You’re Neurodivergent?
Some parents tell me, “I have ADHD” or “I’m autistic. Can I really change?”
The answer is YES.
I’m neurodivergent too.
Many of our families are.
These skills work for everyone, no matter your background or challenges.
15. Bringing It All Together
So, if you want to:
- Stop yelling and feeling guilty
- Break the cycle of old patterns
- Raise kids who are confident, responsible, and emotionally healthy
- Feel calm and proud of the parent you are
The answer is not a new routine, or being stricter, or giving up.
It’s learning these three core skills—emotional regulation, mind-sight, and positive discipline.
And that’s what we teach every day at HIC Parenting.
16. How to Get Started—Join Our Free Class
I want to invite you to a special, free class.
In this class, you’ll learn:
- Our Parenting With Understanding system to break free from angry reactions and stay calm—even during chaos.
- How to communicate clearly, so your kids listen, even when you say “no.”
- What you need to raise children who are ready for the real world with confidence and self-accountability.
This class is for parents who want to see real change—fast.
You don’t have to figure this out on your own.
Click the link below to sign up for our free class now.
Start your journey to being the secure parent your kids need.
17. You Are Not Alone
If you made it to the end of this article, I want you to know—I’m cheering you on.
Every parent struggles sometimes.
But you don’t have to stay stuck.
You have what it takes to be the parent you wish you had.
With the right support, and the right tools, you can change everything.
You’re already on your way.
And I can’t wait to see how your story unfolds.
With love,
Marcela Collier
HIC Parenting
P.S. If you want support, community, and real solutions—not just more tips—click here to join the free class.
Let’s make peace and connection your new normal.
