Epi #201. It’s Not Your Child, It’s Your Humiliation Wound
Mar 04, 2026It’s Not Your Child, It’s Your Humiliation Wound
If you are healing your childhood trauma while raising children at the same time, you may be wondering:
How do I raise a secure child…
while I am still healing?
That is a real question.
And if you have ever felt embarrassed by your child…
triggered by their behavior…
or deeply affected by their criticism…
This might not be about them.
It might be your wound of humiliation.
In this episode of our six-week Inner Child series, we are focusing on one of the five childhood core wounds: humiliation.
Because awareness changes everything.
What Is the Wound of Humiliation?
Humiliation is growing up feeling:
Belittled.
Mocked.
Shamed.
Compared.
Exposed in vulnerable moments.
Made to feel small.
We are not born believing something is wrong with us.
That belief is placed in us.
Maybe by a parent.
Maybe by a teacher.
Maybe by caregivers who used shame as control.
If you were laughed at.
Compared to siblings.
Called lazy.
Called dramatic.
Called “too much.”
Exposed publicly when you were vulnerable.
That wound may live in you today.
And it lives in your nervous system.
How It Gets Created
Sometimes it happens in small repeated moments.
Sometimes it happens in one big moment.
Marcela shares her own story of being publicly removed from a school play role by a teacher who interpreted her ADHD-related distraction as disrespect.
That public correction created shame.
And shame became humiliation.
From that day forward, she stopped raising her hand as much.
That’s how humiliation works.
It teaches you to shrink.
Two Common Adaptations
When you grow up with the wound of humiliation, you usually adapt in one of two ways:
- You Overcompensate
You become a people pleaser.
You fear failure.
You avoid trying.
You are extremely sensitive to criticism.
You assume others are judging you, even when they may not be.
- You Become Defensive
You are quick to anger.
You blame others.
You struggle with accountability.
You react strongly when criticized.
Why?
Because your nervous system expects humiliation.
So it protects you before it happens.
How This Shows Up in Parenting
This wound doesn’t disappear when you become a parent.
It shows up in subtle and powerful ways.
If you overcompensate:
• You people-please your children.
• You give in often.
• You doubt your decisions.
• You feel deeply embarrassed by their behavior.
If you go the defensive route:
• You react quickly.
• You blame your child.
• You struggle to take responsibility.
• You say things like:
“I wouldn’t yell if you listened.”
And when your child says,
“You’re the worst parent ever,”
It doesn’t just feel like frustration.
It feels like confirmation.
That’s the wound speaking.
Embarrassment Is a Clue
If you feel embarrassed when your child has a meltdown in public…
Pause.
Embarrassment is fear of judgment.
And fear of judgment is deeply tied to humiliation.
It’s not aisle six at Target that’s triggering you.
It’s the old wound.
How to Break the Pattern
You don’t have to heal completely to stop passing it on.
You need awareness.
And new skills.
Here are a few starting points:
1. Correct in Private
If you were humiliated publicly,
do the opposite.
Guide behavior privately.
Protect dignity.
2. Detach Identity from Correction
Do not use labels.
Instead of:
“You’re lazy.”
Try:
“The dishes need to be put away.”
Guide behavior.
Don’t attack identity.
3. Treat Mistakes Like Mistakes
Even if you’ve told them three times.
Overreaction creates shame.
Calm correction builds safety.
4. Regulate First
You cannot guide from dysregulation.
Pause.
Breathe.
Let your body settle.
Correction can wait.
Safety cannot.
Reflection Questions
Were you corrected privately or exposed publicly?
Do you feel easily embarrassed by your child’s behavior?
If yes, this may be your humiliation wound speaking.
You Can Raise Secure Children
You do not need to be fully healed.
You need:
Emotional regulation skills.
Mindsight — understanding needs.
Positive discipline skills.
That’s how we break cycles.
If this episode resonated with you, we are in a six-week Inner Child series.
And if you want deeper guidance, I created a free class where I teach the Parenting With Understanding™ System of Needs — the exact framework we use in HIC Parenting to help parents stop reacting and become secure.
Go to Instagram and DM us the word “peace 25.”
We’ll send you the free class.
Your child doesn’t need a perfect parent.
They need a safe one.
And that parent can be you.
