Epi #200. Understanding Your Inner Child to Transform Your Parenting

Your Child’s Behavior Isn’t the Problem — Heal Your Inner Child

Have you ever heard yourself say something to your child and immediately thought…

“That sounded just like my mom.”

And then you feel that tight feeling in your chest.

Because you promised yourself you would parent differently.

You told yourself:

“I won’t react like that.”
“I won’t say those things.”
“I will stay calm.”

But then your child melts down.
Or talks back.
Or ignores you.

And something inside you snaps.

If that’s you, take a deep breath.

Your child’s behavior isn’t the real problem.

The real problem is something deeper.

It’s your inner child.

And once you understand that, everything begins to change.

1. What Is the Inner Child?

Your inner child is not a metaphor.

It’s not just a cute idea.

It is your nervous system shaped by your childhood.

It’s the part of you that remembers:

How you were spoken to.
How you were disciplined.
How you were comforted.
Or not comforted.

It carries your unmet needs.
Your unprocessed wounds.
Your old beliefs about yourself.

And when your child behaves in ways that feel familiar…

Your inner child gets activated.

You stop responding as the adult.

And you start reacting as the child you once were.

2. Why Tools Don’t Work Without Inner Work

Inside HIC Parenting, we don’t start with tactics.

We don’t start with scripts.

We don’t start with discipline strategies.

Because strategies only work when your adult self is in charge.

If your inner child is running the moment,
no tool will stick.

You can know what to say.
You can know what to do.

But in the heat of the moment,
your nervous system will default to what it learned growing up.

That’s why awareness is step one.

3. "Why Do I Sound Like My Parent?”

Have you ever said:

“I don’t want to parent like my parents.”
And then you hear yourself repeating their exact words?

That’s inner child interference.

Your nervous system was primed in childhood.

So when your child triggers something familiar —
disrespect, loudness, defiance, emotional intensity —

Your body reacts before your mind can think.

That reaction is not random.

It’s conditioned.

4. Your Inner Voice Reveals Your Wounds

Let me ask you something.

When your child isn’t listening…

What does your inner voice say?

Does it say:

“I can handle this.”
“I’m capable.”
“I’ve got this.”

Or does it say:

“I’m failing.”
“I’m not enough.”
“No one listens to me.”
“I’m invisible.”

That inner voice matters.

Because that voice shapes your emotions.
And your emotions shape your reactions.

And that voice was built when you were little.

Your parent’s voice became your inner voice.

Unless you consciously rewired it.

5. Beliefs Create Patterns

Beliefs create feelings.
Feelings create reactions.
Reactions create patterns.
Patterns create family dynamics.

If you believe:
“I’m not doing enough.”

You will overdo.

You will overgive.
Overschedule.
Overfunction.

All day long trying to prove you are enough.

And by bedtime…

You’re exhausted.

Then you react.

Not because bedtime is the problem.
But because your inner child has been trying to prove something all day.

And your child feels that pressure.

Now the pattern reinforces your belief.

And the cycle continues.

6. Evidence Doesn’t Create Belief

Belief creates evidence.

If you believe you’re a bad parent,
you will find proof everywhere.

If you believe you’re a good parent,
you will notice your effort.

I once had a client say,
“I don’t have evidence that I’m a good father.”

And I told him:

“You’re here.
You invested time and money to grow.
That’s evidence.”

You have evidence too.

You just may not be seeing it.

6. The Five Childhood Core Wounds

Research shows there are five core childhood wounds that shape how we parent:

1. Abandonment
   Feeling emotionally or physically unsupported.
   Not prioritized.
   
   
2. Rejection
   Feeling unloved for who you truly are.
   Very common in neurodivergent adults.
   
   
3. Injustice
   Growing up in rigid or perfectionist environments.
   Feeling things were unfair.
   
   
4. Betrayal
   Broken promises.
   Trust being violated.
   
   
5. Humiliation
   Being shamed.
   Ridiculed.
   Made to feel small.
   
   

If these wounds are not acknowledged,
they will show up in your parenting.

Not because you want them to.

But because your nervous system remembers.

7. You Don’t Have to Parent From Your Wounds

Here’s the hope.

You do not have to fully heal every wound
to stop passing it to your children.

Awareness alone changes the trajectory.

When you recognize:
“This is my wound talking.”

You create space.

And in that space,
you can choose differently.

That’s how we break cycles.

8. The Three Skills That Create Secure Parents

You don’t need perfection.

You need:

Emotional regulation.
Mindsight — understanding your needs and your child’s needs.
Positive discipline skills.

That’s it.

When you regulate yourself,
your child feels safe.

When you understand needs,
behavior makes sense.

When you use conscious discipline,
patterns change.

And that’s how you raise secure children.

If you want deeper guidance on breaking reactivity and becoming a secure parent, I invite you to join my free class.

Inside, I teach the Parenting With Understanding™ System of Needs — the exact framework we use inside HIC Parenting to help parents stop reacting and respond with calm.

Go to Instagram and DM us the word “peace 25.”

We’ll send you the free class.

Your child doesn’t need a perfect parent.

They need a safe one.

And that parent can be you.