Epi #190. How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids Using Mindfulness.

Have you ever been in the kitchen trying to cook dinner, and your child is melting down again… and you feel your chest get tight… your jaw clench… and then suddenly, you snap?

You yell.
And then you feel awful.
And you promise yourself that tomorrow you’ll be calmer.

But tomorrow comes… and the same thing happens again.

If you’re nodding because this is your daily life, I want you to know something:

You’re not failing.
You’re overwhelmed.
And there is a reason your body reacts this way.

This blog is here to help you understand why that cycle keeps happening… and what you can do to finally break free from it.

You are not alone here.
So many parents feel this way.
Especially parents of sensitive, strong-willed, or neurodivergent kids.

And I want you to breathe for a moment, because you’re in the right place.

Let’s walk this together ❤️

1. The Cycle Every Parent Knows

Most parents don’t yell because they want to.

We yell because we feel trapped.

We feel like:

• No one is listening.

• Everything falls on us.

• We have to be the calm one all day long.

• And our kids don’t understand how hard we’re trying.

You may already know the cycle:

1. Your child does something that triggers you.

2. You snap. Maybe yell. Maybe shut down.

3. You feel awful.

4. You apologize.

5. You promise yourself you’ll do better.

6. The same thing happens again.

This cycle isn’t because you are a “bad parent.”
It happens because something inside of you is being triggered.

And that is where we start.

2. The Real Problem Isn’t Your Child’s Behavior

I know this part can feel heavy.

But it is also where freedom begins.

Your child’s behavior is not the real problem.

The real problem is what their behavior brings up in you.

And that inner response comes from somewhere deeper:

• How you were spoken to as a child.

• How conflicts were handled in your home.

• Whether your emotions were welcomed… or shut down.

• Whether mistakes were treated as learning… or punished.

Your inner voice — the one that says:

“You’re not doing enough.”

“Good parents don’t struggle like this.”

“You’re failing your child.”

That voice is not yours.
It was given to you.
Often by the adults who raised you.

Your body remembers what it felt like when you were corrected, yelled at, rushed, or shamed.

So when your child has big emotions…

Your nervous system reacts…
Not to them, but to the memory inside you.

And that is where reactivity comes from.

This is why even when you know what to do, you still react before you can stop yourself.

You’re not reacting to your child.
You are reacting to your past.

And that is something we can heal.

3. Mindfulness Is the Door Out of the Cycle

And no, I don’t mean sitting on a yoga mat breathing while your house is on fire.

Mindfulness in parenting means this:

Noticing what’s happening inside of you before reacting.

It sounds simple.
But it’s a skill many of us never learned.

Here’s why mindfulness works:

• It helps you see your trigger instead of becoming it.

• It gives your body a moment to pause.

• It interrupts the automatic “react → regret” loop.

The goal is not to never feel frustrated.

The goal is to learn how to feel the frustration without reacting to it.

Let me show you how to start.

4. Step One: Awareness

The first step of mindfulness is awareness.

Awareness of your inner voice.

Take a moment and ask yourself:

When my child is having a hard moment, does my inner voice say…

“It’s ok, they need help.”
or
“Why is this happening again? I can’t do this.”

For most of us, that inner voice is critical.

Not gentle.
Not supportive.
Not kind.

To begin changing your reactions, you don’t start with your child.

You start with your inner voice.

Ask yourself:

1. Is this belief mine?
   Or did I learn it from someone else?

2. How old is this feeling?
   Does it remind me of how I felt as a child?

3. Is this belief true?
   Or is it fear speaking?

These questions help you step out of the emotion and see what’s really happening.

When you pause and become aware… reactivity loses some of its power.

5. Step Two: Curiosity

Curiosity is the opposite of judgment.

Judgment says:

• “My child is being disrespectful.”

• “They’re not listening on purpose.”

• “This shouldn’t be happening.”

Curiosity asks:

• “What is my child needing right now?”

• “What is their nervous system feeling?”

• “What is their behavior communicating?”

Because every behavior is communication.

Especially with neurodivergent or sensitive kids.

And here is the magic:

Curiosity softens the nervous system.
Yours and theirs.

It helps you respond from connection instead of control.

6. Step Three: Compassion

Compassion is the natural result of awareness and curiosity.

Compassion toward your child.
And compassion toward yourself.

You are not supposed to know how to do this perfectly.

You are learning something you were never taught.

And that is brave.

Compassion does not mean letting everything go.
It means responding without attacking.
Without shaming.
Without losing yourself.

Compassion creates safety.
Safety creates cooperation.
Cooperation creates peace.

7. This Is Where Transformation Happens

When you start practicing these three steps:

• Awareness

• Curiosity

• Compassion

You begin to change the cycle.

And your child feels that shift.

They soften.
They trust more.
They melt faster.
They listen more.

Not because you are being “nice.”
But because they feel safe.

Safety is what teaches behavior.
Not fear.

And when you build that safety — both inside yourself and with your child — everything begins to change.

8. You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

I know this journey can feel overwhelming.

But you don’t have to figure it out by yourself.

So many of our parents felt exactly like you:

• Scared of repeating the past.

• Tired of feeling guilty every night.

• Wanting peace but not knowing how to get there.

And when they learned the Parenting With Understanding™ System of Needs, everything changed.

Their homes became calmer.
Their kids listened more.
And most importantly, they finally felt confident.

If you’re ready to learn this too…

Send me a DM on Instagram with the word:
👉 “peace 25”

I’ll send you our free class link.

It will show you:

✅ How to break the yelling cycle
✅ How to understand your child’s needs, so they do listen
✅ How to become a calm, confident, secure parent
✅ How to raise emotionally healthy kids who feel close to you

You deserve to feel peace.
Your child deserves to feel safe.
Your home deserves to feel connected again.

I’ll meet you there 💛