Epi #189. The Secret to Not Be an Anxious Parent and Raise Your Child With Peace.

Do you ever feel like time is always slipping through your fingers?

You try to get your kids ready for school. You rush from one thing to another. You want peace, but mornings end in chaos.

Shoes are missing. Someone’s crying. You raise your voice, and then—you feel that deep sting of guilt.

You tell yourself, “Tomorrow will be better.”

But somehow, it never is.

If this sounds like you, I want you to take a deep breath right now. Because what if I told you… your child’s behavior isn’t the real problem?

It’s not the tantrums, the yelling, or the endless power struggles.

The real problem might be something else entirely—something you’ve carried with you since you were a child yourself.

Let’s talk about what that is, and how to fix it.

1. Time Isn’t the Enemy — It’s Your Relationship With It

You may think, “I’m just an anxious person. If I could stop being anxious, parenting would be easier.”

But here’s the truth: anxiety isn’t the problem.

Time isn’t the problem either.

The real struggle comes from the relationship you have with time.

Let me explain.

When we were kids, many of us were rushed.

“Hurry up!”
“Move faster!”
“You’re too slow!”

There was no space to move at our own pace. No grace to transition gently from one thing to another.

And that rushed feeling? It didn’t just disappear when you grew up.

Now, when your child moves slowly—when they want to tie their shoes by themselves or linger at breakfast—your nervous system remembers that feeling.

That old panic returns.

Suddenly, you’re right back in that space of hurry and pressure. You yell, not because you’re a bad parent, but because your body feels unsafe when things move slowly.

And this? It’s not your fault.

You were trained to rush. You were trained to believe that being “on time” meant being good.

But today, you get to unlearn that.

2. The Morning That Changed Everything

Let me share a story from my own life.

When my twins started kindergarten, mornings were a total storm.

I’d wake up already anxious. I’d rush them through breakfast, through brushing their teeth, through putting on their shoes.

“Let’s go! We’re late! Hurry!”

Every day, I was running from guilt—afraid of being the mom who shows up late.

I thought I was being responsible, but I was actually passing my anxiety onto my kids.

One day, my mom said something that stopped me cold.

She said, “Marcela, Santi cries every morning. He says, ‘We need to go now, we’re late!’ even when you’re not.”

That moment hit me hard.

I realized I was teaching him to fear time.

I was giving him my anxious relationship with rushing.

I was planting the same wound I had carried for years.

And that was the day I decided things had to change.

3. Choosing Freedom (Even When Time Feels Tight)

At first, I thought freedom meant more time.

But it wasn’t about having more time — it was about creating space within the time we already had.

So I asked myself, “How can I make mornings easier without rushing?”

Here’s what I did:

• I started preparing the night before. Lunches packed, backpacks ready, clothes set out.

• My twins started sleeping in their school clothes. (It’s hot here in Phoenix — no need for fancy pajamas!)

• We kept shoes and socks in one spot. No more running around the house searching for them.

• And most importantly: I slowed my energy down.

Instead of shouting, “We’re late!” I took deep breaths and said, “We’ve got this.”

You know what happened next?

Mornings became calmer.

My autistic son stopped crying.
My other son stopped hiding during the rush.

We still had the same routine — the same time.

But everything felt different.

Because I was different.

4. Freedom Isn’t About Escaping — It’s About Choosing

As parents, we often think freedom means getting away.

Away from the noise. Away from the mess. Away from our responsibilities.

But true freedom in parenting doesn’t mean escaping your life — it means choosing it.

It’s saying, “I’m going to make space for peace, even when things are busy.”

Sometimes that means adjusting your schedule.

I remember when my twins were younger, they were in jujitsu three days a week. Sounds good, right?

Except it was at 4:30 p.m.

They’d come home from school, barely eat their snack, rush through homework, and then we’d race back out the door.

Every car ride was chaos. They’d fight, melt down, and cry.

And I realized — this activity that was supposed to be “good for them” was draining all of us.

So we made a change.

We switched to soccer at night instead.

They had time to decompress after school, and everything became easier.

Freedom looks like that.

It looks like questioning what’s really serving your family — and what’s just stealing your peace.

5. The Hidden Reason You Feel Reactive

Let’s talk about something deeper.

When you snap or yell, it’s not because you’re mean.

It’s because you’re overstretched.

You’re trying to meet everyone’s needs except your own.

And when your needs go unmet — your body keeps the score.

Reactivity often comes from not having space to feel.

When you were little, maybe you weren’t allowed to cry.
Maybe you weren’t allowed to say “no.”
Maybe you were told to be quiet, to be good, to move faster.

Now, when you feel uncomfortable emotions, you don’t know what to do with them — so they spill out.

That’s not because you’re broken.
It’s because no one taught you how to regulate your emotions.

And that’s what your kids need most from you — not perfection, not constant calmness, but a parent who can feel and still stay connected.

6. Finding Micro-Moments of Freedom

Freedom doesn’t have to be big.

It can be as small as three minutes in the kitchen.

When my twins were toddlers, my kitchen was my “micro freedom.”

I’d put up a baby gate, step inside, and breathe.

I’d stretch, sip coffee, or just stand there quietly while they peeked through the gate.

It wasn’t long — but it was enough.

That little bit of space made me more patient, more grounded, more me.

And when I came back to them, I was ready to connect.

You might feel guilty taking time like that. I get it.

But freedom isn’t selfish — it’s necessary.

Your children don’t need a parent who’s always available.
They need a parent who’s emotionally available — and that means you need space to regulate.

So take your freedom — even if it’s just a few breaths at a time.

7. When You Choose Freedom, You Heal

I want to be honest — when you start choosing freedom, guilt will show up.

You’ll feel it when you skip a chore to rest.
You’ll feel it when you say “no” to one more activity.
You’ll feel it when you take five minutes to breathe while your child whines at the door.

But guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.

It means you’re breaking a cycle.

You’re teaching your nervous system that peace is safe.

You’re modeling for your child what it looks like to care for yourself and for them.

Because when you heal, they heal too. 🌱

8. The Real Meaning of Freedom in Parenting

Freedom is not the absence of responsibility.

Freedom is the presence of choice.

You get to choose what kind of home you want to build.
You get to choose how you respond to chaos.
You get to choose what your child learns about love, patience, and time.

Freedom starts when you stop fighting what is, and start creating space for what can be.

It’s not easy. But it’s possible.

9. How to Start Right Now

If you want to start choosing freedom today, ask yourself these three questions:

1. What’s one small thing I can prepare ahead of time to reduce stress later?
   Maybe it’s packing lunches the night before or setting out clothes.

2. What’s one thing on my schedule that drains me — that I can let go of?
   Sometimes peace comes from subtraction, not addition.

3. Where can I create 3 minutes of space to breathe?
   It could be in the kitchen, in the car, or in the bathroom.

These small choices add up.

Because freedom is built in the moments you choose calm over chaos.

10. The Journey Toward Peace Starts With You

If you’re feeling reactive, it doesn’t mean you’re failing.

It means you need more support, not more shame.

You don’t have to carry this alone — and you don’t have to keep guessing how to fix it.

There’s a system that helps you understand what’s behind your reactions and your child’s behavior — so you can finally feel calm, confident, and connected.

It’s called the Parenting With Understanding™ System of Needs.

This is the same system that’s helped thousands of parents — many raising sensitive or neurodivergent kids — break free from yelling, guilt, and constant power struggles.

And I want you to have it, too.

🌿 Here’s how to access it (for free):

Go to Instagram and DM us the word “PEACE 25.”

You’ll get free access to my class where I’ll teach you:

✅ How to overcome angry reactions and respond calmly during your children’s chaos.
✅ What you need to communicate assertively so your kids actually listen — even when you say “no.”
✅ How to raise emotionally healthy children who face the real world with confidence and self-accountability.

This free class is your first step toward breaking free from reactivity and building the peaceful home you’ve been dreaming of.

Because parenting doesn’t have to feel like a race.

You have time.
You have power.
And you have what it takes to raise secure, confident kids — starting today. 💛