Epi #188. Bring Peace to Your Parenting With This Daily Choice.

Do you ever feel like every day with your kids is a delicate balance between love and patience?

As if one small reaction could shift the whole atmosphere in seconds?

You whisper to yourself, “Next time I’ll be more grounded.”
But when it happens again, your chest aches, your words slip out, and you’re left wishing you could rewind the moment.

You love your child deeply, but some days it feels like love just isn’t enough to keep the peace.

If that’s you, I want you to know something very important:
Your child’s behavior isn’t the real problem.

Something deeper is happening — something inside you.

And once you understand it, you can finally stop reacting, start connecting, and raise your child with the peace and confidence you’ve always wanted. 💛

Let’s talk about how.

1. When Anxiety Takes Over Parenting

I know what it feels like to live in constant anxiety as a parent.

You wake up already overwhelmed.
Your mind races with everything you need to do.
You want to be calm, but your body feels tense all day.

It’s not that you don’t love your children.
It’s that your nervous system is always on high alert.

You see, anxiety is like an alarm system in the body.
It’s not who you are — it’s just your body saying, “I need help. I don’t feel safe.”

When we don’t know how to quiet that alarm, it stays on.
And that’s when we react — yelling, snapping, or shutting down.

Not because we’re bad parents.
But because we’re tired parents trying to survive.

2. The Truth About “Anxious Parenting”

Many parents I coach tell me, “Marcela, I’m just an anxious person.”

But anxiety isn’t your identity.
It’s a signal — not a sentence.

When we believe anxiety is part of who we are, we start parenting from it instead of through it.

We try to control everything.
We rush through routines.
We get frustrated when things don’t go perfectly.

And then we tell ourselves, “I yelled because I’m anxious.”

But here’s the truth — you’re not anxious because of your child’s behavior.
You’re anxious because you feel alone in it.

Loneliness is one of the biggest hidden causes of parental anxiety.

3. My Story: The Day I Realized I Wasn’t Okay

When my twins were little, I hit a wall.

I’m autistic, ADHD, and an immigrant.
All my family lived far away in Colombia.
My husband worked long hours, and I was home with two toddlers all day.

Every morning when he left for work, my body tensed up.
My heart started racing before the door even closed.

I loved my kids so much, but I felt trapped.

One day, they were crawling all over me, touching my face, wanting attention…
and I just froze.

I was there, but I wasn’t there.

That’s when I realized I was living in anxiety — not because of my kids’ behavior, but because I was lonely.

No friends nearby.
No relatives around.
No one to call for help.

And I thought, “I can’t keep living like this.”

That was the day I made a promise to myself: I would find connection again.

4. The Power of Choosing Connection

Connection doesn’t just happen.

In our modern world, it has to be chosen.

Back in the day, people lived in villages — parents shared meals, watched each other’s kids, and raised families together.

Today, we live in houses with closed doors and full schedules.

We text, we scroll, we post — but we don’t always connect.

And without connection, anxiety grows.

So I made the daily choice to connect — even when it felt uncomfortable.

I started taking the twins to a baby class every Thursday.
At first, I didn’t talk to anyone.
The second week, I said hi to one mom.

That small “hi” changed everything.

That mom introduced me to another mom, and then another.
Before long, we were a group of six moms doing playdates every Friday.

We talked, laughed, and shared meals.
When one of us needed help, the others showed up.

And little by little…
the anxiety quieted.

Not because life got easier — but because I stopped feeling alone in it.

5. Why Connection Feels So Hard

So many parents tell me, “I want to connect, but it’s hard.”

And I get it.

Connection is scary when you’ve been hurt, misunderstood, or made to feel like a burden.

Here are the three biggest reasons connection feels so hard for parents — especially those raising sensitive or neurodivergent kids.

(1) Individual Differences

If you or your child are neurodivergent — ADHD, autistic, or highly sensitive — connecting can feel exhausting.

You might worry people won’t understand your child’s behavior.
Or you feel anxious about socializing because small talk drains you.

That’s okay.

You don’t have to be the life of the party.
You just have to find your people — the ones who understand.

Sometimes, that means explaining what makes you or your child different.
For example:
“If I don’t text back right away, it’s not you — I just need time to recharge.”

The right people won’t be offended.
They’ll appreciate your honesty.
And they’ll stay.

(2) Relationship Wounds

Maybe you had friends who betrayed your trust.
Maybe you were vulnerable once, and it was used against you.

So now, you protect yourself by not letting anyone get too close.

You think, “I’ll pull away before they hurt me again.”

But when we close ourselves off, we block the very connection that could help us heal.

Your past hurt is real.
But it doesn’t have to decide your future.

(3) The “I’m a Burden” Wound

If you grew up feeling like your needs were “too much,” you might carry the belief that asking for help makes you a burden.

So even when you’re struggling, you tell yourself, “Everyone’s busy. I don’t want to bother anyone.”

But connection is not a burden — it’s a gift.

When you let someone help you, you’re giving them the chance to feel useful and connected too.

6. The Cost of Loneliness

Loneliness isn’t just painful.

It’s exhausting.
It keeps your nervous system in fight-or-flight mode.

When you’re disconnected, every small challenge feels like a big one.
Your patience runs out faster.
Your reactivity spikes higher.

And then the guilt creeps in — that painful thought that whispers,
“I’m failing as a parent.”

But you’re not failing.
You’re just human — and you were never meant to do this alone.

When we reconnect with others, the load becomes lighter.
We start to breathe again.
We start to enjoy our kids again.

Connection doesn’t erase the chaos — it makes it bearable.

7. How to Start Choosing Connection

If you’ve been living in survival mode, I know this can sound impossible.
So let’s start small.

Here are a few ways to practice connection this week:

1️⃣ Send a text.
Reach out to one person you haven’t spoken to in a while.

2️⃣ Say yes to help.
If someone offers to watch your child, bring dinner, or just listen — let them.

3️⃣ Be present with your kids.
When they’re melting down, instead of trying to stop the emotions, try to connect with them.
Say things like, “You’re safe. I’m right here. We’ll get through this together.”

4️⃣ Let go of guilt.
You’re not weak for needing others.
You’re wise for realizing you do.

8. Choosing Connection With Your Child

Connection with our children is what truly transforms behavior.

When your child is upset, what they need most is you.

Not more control.
Not another lecture.
Not a punishment.

They need to feel safe in your presence.

When you choose connection over control, you teach your child something powerful:

“You can have big feelings, and I’ll still love you.”

That’s how secure attachment is built.
That’s how emotional regulation begins.

And the more connected your child feels, the less they’ll need to act out to be seen.

9. From Control to Connection: A Simple Shift

Next time your child has a meltdown, pause.
Take a deep breath.

Instead of thinking, “How do I stop this?”
Ask yourself, “How can I connect right now?”

This one question can change everything.

It shifts your energy from fear to compassion.
From reactivity to regulation.
From chaos to calm.

Your child doesn’t need a perfect parent.
They need a connected one.

10. You’re Not Alone Anymore

You don’t have to keep trying to figure this out by yourself.

At HIC Parenting, we’ve helped thousands of parents just like you learn how to break free from reactivity and raise secure, emotionally healthy children.

And it all starts with understanding — understanding your needs and your child’s needs.

If this message spoke to your heart today, I want to invite you to take the next step.

✨ Take the Free Class That Changes Everything

In our free class, you’ll learn the exact Parenting With Understanding™ System of Needs that has helped over 14,000 parents bring peace back into their homes.

You’ll discover how to:

✅ Overcome angry reactions and respond calmly during your child’s chaos.
✅ Communicate in a way that makes your child listen, even when you say “no.”
✅ Raise emotionally healthy children who face the world with confidence.

Parenting from peace is possible.
And it starts with understanding — not perfection.

Go to Instagram and DM us the word “peace25.”

We’ll send you the free class right away.

Because your child’s behavior isn’t the problem.
Your understanding of it is the key. 🌿