Epi #186. Parenting on Edge? How to Stop The Hidden Alarm.

Do you ever feel like you’re walking on eggshells in your own home?

Like every day you’re just waiting for the next meltdown, the next argument, or the next power struggle?

You love your children more than anything. You want to raise them to be confident, kind, and emotionally healthy. But somehow, even with all the gentle parenting tools you’ve learned, you still end up snapping.

And afterward… that heavy guilt sets in.

You whisper to yourself, “Why did I yell again? I know better.”

If this sounds like you, you’re not alone — and you’re not broken.

There’s something deeper happening.

There’s a hidden alarm going off inside you. And until you learn how to listen to that alarm and turn it off, you’ll keep reacting in ways that don’t match the parent you want to be.

Today, we’re going to talk about what that hidden alarm is, why it keeps going off, and how to finally calm it down so you can parent your child with peace — not panic.

1. The Hidden Alarm Inside Every Parent

Let’s start with the truth most parents never hear:

Your child’s behavior is not the problem.

That hidden alarm inside you is called anxiety.

It’s that sense that something bad is about to happen — that next tantrum, that next big sibling fight, that next refusal to brush teeth. You start parenting on high alert, constantly bracing yourself for chaos.

This is what I call “eggshell parenting.”

You’re not just reacting to what’s happening — you’re reacting to what you fear might happen next.

I know how that feels.

When my twins were little, I remember walking around with a constant lump in my throat. Even on calm days, I was on guard. I was afraid of losing control, afraid of yelling again, afraid of repeating what I lived as a child.

That’s what anxiety does.

But here’s the key thing: anxiety isn’t your enemy.

Anxiety is an alarm. It’s your body’s smoke detector, warning you that something inside needs your attention.

The problem is, most of us try to silence the alarm instead of addressing the fire.

2. The Smoke Alarm Metaphor (Why Suppressing Anxiety Doesn’t Work)

Imagine you’re sitting on your couch watching TV, and suddenly, the smoke alarm goes off.

You could:

• Turn up the TV to drown out the noise.

• Wrap a blanket around the alarm to muffle the sound.

• Or grab a screwdriver and take the battery out completely.

For a moment, it’s quiet. You feel relief.

But the smoke is still filling the house.

That’s what happens when we snap, yell, or emotionally shut down. We’re not fixing the problem — we’re just silencing the alarm.

And the more we ignore it, the louder it gets.

3. Why the Alarm Keeps Going Off

You might be wondering, “Okay, Marcela, but what’s causing my alarm to go off all the time?”

I’ve coached thousands of parents, and I’ve seen this again and again.
There are usually four main causes of that constant anxiety alarm.

1️⃣ Limiting Beliefs from Childhood

So many of us grew up believing we weren’t enough.

Maybe you heard things like,

“You’re too sensitive.”
“Why can’t you ever get it right?”
“Good kids don’t act like that.”

Even if no one said it directly, you might have felt it — that love and approval were tied to performance.

Fast forward to today: you’re a parent trying to do everything right.

You read the books, follow the advice, and still feel like you’re failing.

That belief — “I’m not good enough” — becomes the root of your anxiety.

One mom I coached was homeschooling her two children. She poured herself into lesson planning, crafts, and activities. But every day she felt stressed and drained.

When we dug deeper, we discovered her fear wasn’t about homeschooling — it was about not being enough.

Once she learned to let go of perfection and started believing, “I am enough, even when things aren’t perfect,” her anxiety softened. Her children became more cooperative because she wasn’t teaching from fear — she was leading from peace.

2️⃣ Trauma Responses

Sometimes our children’s behavior triggers old wounds we didn’t even know we still had.

One mom told me, “I don’t know why I yell so much when my son hits his little sister.”

When we talked more, she realized it wasn’t really about her kids — it was about her childhood.

Seeing her son hit his sister made her feel the same helplessness she felt when she saw someone she loved being hurt years ago.

Her body remembered that pain, even if her mind had forgotten.

That’s a trauma response.

It’s not logical. It’s the nervous system saying, “You’re not safe,” even when you are.

When she learned to ground herself and remind her brain, “This isn’t my past, this is my present,” she stopped overreacting.
She began setting firm boundaries without the yelling or guilt.

3️⃣ Unmet Needs

Here’s something most parents don’t realize:
A dysregulated parent cannot help a dysregulated child.

If you’re running on empty — no breaks, no support, no time to breathe — your nervous system will keep sounding the alarm.

One mom I coached told me bedtime was her worst nightmare. Two hours of chaos, tears, and frustration every night.

She thought the problem was her kids.

But the real problem? She was completely exhausted and unsupported. Her husband would watch TV while she handled bedtime alone.

She didn’t need a better bedtime routine — she needed help.

Once she started communicating her need for support and shared the bedtime routine with her husband, everything changed.

Her kids calmed down. She calmed down.
Because calm is contagious — but so is anxiety.

4️⃣ Lack of Boundaries

So many parents I work with say “yes” to everyone but themselves.

They say yes to every playdate, yes to every favor, yes to every family event — until they’re running on fumes.

Then they wonder why they feel resentful, anxious, or easily triggered.

It’s not because you’re weak. It’s because your nervous system is overworked.

One mom told me her anxiety would skyrocket every time her husband tried to help with their toddler. The child would cry for her, and she’d rush back in.

She didn’t realize she was breaking her own boundary. She needed rest, but she didn’t allow herself to have it.

When she finally trusted her husband to comfort their toddler — even through the tears — her child learned resilience, her husband built confidence, and she got her peace back.

Sometimes anxiety is just your body saying, “Please say no.”

4. How to Fix the Hidden Alarm

Here’s the truth most parenting books won’t tell you:
You can’t fix your child’s behavior until you calm your nervous system.

Your peace is the foundation for their regulation.

So what do we do with this hidden alarm?
We stop fighting it — and start listening.

Here’s a simple exercise you can try today.

Take a deep breath.
Place your hand where you feel the tension most — your chest, shoulders, or stomach.

Now ask yourself:
“What is this feeling trying to tell me?”

If you hear things like:

• “I’m so tired.”

• “I need support.”

• “I’m scared of messing this up.”
  That’s your clue.

That’s what needs your attention — not your child’s behavior.

When you start meeting your own needs, your child’s behavior begins to change too.

Because children borrow our nervous systems to regulate theirs.

5. What Happens When You Start Listening

When you stop running from your anxiety and start listening to it, something beautiful happens.

You stop living in fear.
You stop parenting from panic.
And you start showing up with peace.

The yelling fades.
The guilt lessens.
And your connection with your children grows stronger every single day.

You realize you don’t need to be perfect — you just need to be present.

I’ve seen it happen with thousands of parents I’ve coached. Once they learned to listen to their hidden alarms, they finally experienced what they’d been craving for years — calm, cooperation, and connection at home.

You deserve that too.

6. The Parenting Tool That Will Change Everything

The next time you feel anxious, I want you to remember this:

Your anxiety is not the enemy.
It’s an alarm trying to help you see what’s underneath.

Don’t yell at it.
Don’t hide from it.
Listen to it.

That’s how you turn chaos into calm.

When you understand your emotions and your child’s emotions, you build a bridge of safety between you.
That’s how you raise emotionally healthy children who feel secure — not scared — around you.

7. Your Next Step

If this message resonated with you, if you’re tired of parenting on edge, and you want to stop reacting and start responding calmly, I have something for you.

I created a free class that teaches you exactly how to do this.

It’s called The Parenting With Understanding™ System of Needs, and it’s helped thousands of parents just like you.

In this class, you’ll learn:

✅ How to overcome angry reactions and respond calmly during your children’s chaos.
✅ What you need to communicate so your kids actually listen — even when you say “no.”
✅ How to raise emotionally healthy children who face life with confidence and self-accountability.

You don’t need to fix your child.
You just need to calm your own hidden alarm.

Go to Instagram and DM us the word “peace 25” — and I’ll send you the link to the free class right away.

Your child doesn’t need a perfect parent.
They just need a parent who listens — to them, and to themselves.

You can become that parent.

And it all starts with understanding. 💛